A True Halloween Scare

The cute pumpkin decorations went up weeks ago. Your kiddo decided she had to be Queen Elsa back in August, and she is so excited to get to wear “a long dress” outdoors with her sparkly shoes. You prepared her for trick-or-treating and even practiced knocking on doors and saying “thank you” in advance.

But then you show up to your friend’s house to start trick-or-treating, she sees someone in a full body Elmo costume, and suddenly she is terrified.

This was us 2 Halloweens ago. My firstborn really was beyond excited to go trick-or-treating with friends. Mind you, she knew who was in the costume (a dear friend she affectionately refers to as “uncle”). She even saw him take the head off the costume and confirmed it was him inside. But watching him walk around with us in all his fuzzy red glory was still very scary to her.

(Meanwhile, I thought the costume was absolutely hilarious and could not stop laughing every time I saw it).

Your child’s seemingly irrational fear actually makes developmental sense, and this sudden fear experience is very common in October.

At this age, the mask IS the monster

Here's what's going on developmentally. Between two and five, children think magically, and they take what they see literally. To a toddler, there is no person inside the costume. The mask IS the monster.

As frustrating as this may be for you, this kind of fear is good news. It means their imagination is working.

It's the same mind that fears the dark at bedtime (we've written about it here), just on the daytime shift.

When my daughter was an infant, she was not bothered by people in full-body costumes (like Mickey or Minnie) when we went to Disneyland. Once she became a toddler, she went through a stretch where she was terrified of them. It looked like a strange regression until I realized it actually meant she was more aware of the world.

Pushing past it backfires. Her "no" is information

"Don't be silly, go say hi" does not take the fear away. Pushing my child to go give Minnie a big hug may result in hilarious pictures, but they are of my child crying rather than laughing.

You do not need to try and logic with your child. Just name what they see. “That is big, and it moves.” Create some physical distance if you can. Then let your child watch and take in your calm body.

For months, whenever we went to Disney and saw a big character, we would stand several feet away to wave hi. My daughter enjoyed spotting Donald or Daisy, but she was not ready to go up and give them a hug or take a picture. That has changed now (thankfully). It helped that I let her have space while she learned to manage the fear.

What helps in October

1. If your child (or you) are dressing up, then prepare in advance! Let your child choose their own costume and show them the costume you will be wearing.
2. Practice wearing the costume in daylight. You wear it, then take it off, a few times, until she sees it’s just a silly outfit you put on and take off.
3. Go at your child’s pace. During Halloween events, if they want to avoid certain scary costumes or houses, take their cue. You’ll have many more years of Halloweens to fully participate in!

Have fun this Halloween season. And may there be leftover chocolate after bedtime.