When Bedtime Falls Apart: What Sleep Regression Actually Is and What to Do About It
Summer trips, later bedtimes, disrupted routines: it's the perfect storm, and you're not imagining it's worse right now. If bedtime has been falling apart at your house, you're probably exhausted and wondering what changed.
Here's what's happening: your child's brain is doing more work between 18 and 24 months than at almost any other stage of early childhood. They are developing language skills, their imagination is growing, and they have better object permanence (they understand that you exist and can leave them alone in their room). When your child has disrupted sleep, it's because their brain is managing all of these changes and sometimes needing a bit of extra support.
I know that both of my children really benefit from a full night's rest, but it's hard when there are extra hangouts in the summer, staying up later to watch fireworks, and the nights get dark later. However, it does mean that I eat the cost of having grumpier kids at bedtime who often struggle to calm down enough to sleep. Let's just say I've done more co-sleeping this summer than I have in a long time!
Why the Middle of the Night Feels Different
Middle-of-the-night wake-ups hit different because you're depleted too. No reserves, less patience, more temptation to do whatever works right now. This is the hour when a perfectly reasonable adult, who has a very good sleep training plan, cannot stick to it because she is just too tired and wants to get back into bed asap.
The clinical consensus from sleep specialists is clear: do not introduce new sleep crutches during a regression. What starts as a temporary fix, like rocking to sleep every time, lying down until they're fully asleep, or bringing them into your bed, can become a long-term habit that outlasts the regression itself. This isn't about being harsh. It's about protecting your child's ability to self-sooth once this phase passes.
Your frustration and exhaustion are real. So what do we do about it?
What to Do in the Dark: Grounding, Not Fixing
In The Big Slide, the core strategy is simple: look around and notice things to slow down your heartbeat. That same approach works at 2am.
Stay boring. Keep lights low, voice quiet, interactions minimal. You are a warm, calm presence, not a source of entertainment, negotiation, or a new game of peek-a-boo.
The Yes List: What Actually Helps
Here's the grounded, clinical reality. Not a list of rules. A list of what works.
Consistency over perfection. If you've been co-sleeping for three nights, that's not a failure. It's just information. The question is not whether you broke the rules. The question is: what will you do tonight that your child can depend on?
Daytime connection affects nighttime sleep. Decades of attachment research suggest that children who feel securely connected during the day fall asleep more easily and stay asleep longer. If your toddler is suddenly clingy at bedtime, the answer might not be more sleep training. It might be five extra minutes of focused attention before lights out.
Give the brain a 15-minute head start. Brains don't switch from active to asleep instantly. If your child was running around fifteen minutes ago, their body is still in go-mode. Build in a predictable wind-down sequence — same three things, same order, every night — so the brain learns the pattern.
Name what they're feeling. Toddlers don't have the language to say "I'm scared of the dark and I miss you." But they'll show you. When you name it for them — "You're sad that I left, and you wish I could stay" — you're not fixing the problem. You're helping their brain make sense of what's happening. And that act of being understood is often enough to let them settle.
When You're the One Who Needs Grounding
You can't pour from an empty cup. If you're the one losing it at 2am, it's okay to take a breath. The slide doesn't have to be climbed all at once.
Tag in your partner. If there's another adult in the house, alternate who responds. Even one full night of uninterrupted sleep changes everything.
Remind yourself this is temporary. Sleep regressions last 2-6 weeks. They feel endless in the middle, but they end. Every single one does.
Use your own grounding. The same strategy you're teaching your child works for you. Notice three things in the room. Feel your feet on the floor. Breathe. You can respond from a regulated state, not a reactive one.
The Bottom Line: Your Presence Is the Point
You don't need to fix this perfectly. You just need to show up, stay calm, and wait it out.
When bedtime falls apart, what your child needs most at 2am is not a solution. It's the same thing they needed at the top of the slide: your calm presence beside them.